we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
