If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
