Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
