I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
