We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
