just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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