I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
