Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize