Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.

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(310): View more from California

Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies

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(883): View more from

I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet

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(903): View more from Texas

I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.

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(303): View more from Colorado

high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.

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(903): View more from Texas

Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?

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(256): View more from Alabama

My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10

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