Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
