i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
