Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
