Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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