And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm passing your future prison.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
