i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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