Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't deserve a penis
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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