i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
