I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
