You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She has the best kind of daddy issues
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
