Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
