You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
