so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
