New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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