he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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