Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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