I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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