I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
