Betty ford says i'm here all night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
