I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
