I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
