He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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