Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
