Already got asked if we're dating
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
