And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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