I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
