I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
