Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
