you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
