Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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