Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
