You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize