You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
