I can text with my tongue
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
