Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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