Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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