Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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