Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
