dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
