My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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