I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
