Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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