My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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