dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
