after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
