I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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