I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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