i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
