It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
