I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
