i don't like sucking hair
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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