but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
