I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
