Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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