words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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