yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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