Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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