you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
