If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize